Trump Tributes Trump

The Need for a Rally

It wasn’t since the ancient BC— Before Covid—days that Donald Trump had wallowed in the thunderous cheers he craved and knew he deserved. But after thousands of protestors marched together in the streets, he realized the time had come to plan a rally once again. He chose to bathe in the adoration of his fans in Tulsa, Oklahoma. His loyal supporters weren’t going to let some pesky virus keep them away.

The Tulsa Rally

He was brokenhearted thinking about the valiant effort thousands of his people had made to break through the wall of protestors sealing the entrances to the Tulsa arena. And as a devoted father, family man and good Christian himself, he empathized with the decision to turn away and return home with those adorable mini-Trumpets being raised right. That disgusting group of thugs and gangsters blocking the way were a disgrace to decency and the American way.

Inside the arena, as the Elvis of Presidents looked upward to row after row of empty seats, he was almost brought to tears, thinking of the pain and sacrifice his fans must feel to be missing the show. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be in his presence in an intimate setting, sacrificed for the sake of their children. It’s one of the many principles he’s proud to share with his followers.

In his wide-ranging, carefully crafted, wise and calibrated remarks, he documented his administration’s vast number of accomplishments. Shockingly, no other President had ever achieved as much. He had made America great again and had protected our great American heritage. The 6,200 people in the 19,000 seat arena deserved to have the truth affirmed. “We’re a great country. You are so lucky I’m President. That’s all I can tell you,” he said, followed by chants of  “USA, USA.”

The Fake Media Strikes Back

After such an exhilarating but exhausting day, the President flew back to the White House. But the following morning he was met with a series of fake news reports and an unfair photo, trying to turn his victorious kick-off campaign event into a failure. Thank goodness for children. Don, Jr. put the skeptics in their place all right.  His father wasn’t dejected or disappointed. He was just tired, like any blue-collar worker after a long night shift or a 48-hour shift or a third job. Sleeping on Air Force One is just as tiring and stressful, and Don, Jr., who’s endured many harsh conditions during life, knows firsthand about the hardship of not getting home until the wee hours.

The Magnificent Wall

Building on the Tulsa success, Trump set off for Arizona with renewed strength and enthusiasm. Promises made, promises kept. So the first stop was to admire the progress made on the infamous wall in Yuma, followed by a speech on conservatism at the Dream City Mega Church in Phoenix. A double punch at his critics.

And there it was, his beautiful wall—three miles of new construction and 197 miles of repair, which he was forced to fund by redirecting billions meant for the Defense Department. But he wasn’t going to let those spiteful Democratic attacks deny him funding for this important project. After all, his steadfast commitment to the wall has successfully prevented Mexicans from entering the U.S. and spreading more Covid-19. And it kept the Chinese out as well. No more caravans of drugs, thugs and rapists coming here, and no one escaping to Mexico from a red state either.

The Phoenix Rally

Then, on to Phoenix. The rally of 3,000 young people jammed together, almost all without masks, was like the good old days. He gave special shout-outs to Brendon Zastrow, the church’s chief operating officer and Luke Barnett, Dream City Church’s pastor for providing technology to remove 99.9% of Covid-19 from the church’s auditorium, if it was ever there. This astounding technical achievement would certainly prevent the fake press from warning his loyal supporters not to attend. And it worked.

Seats were filled, red hats were everywhere, the atmosphere was celebratory. This was a crowd of real, unafraid, Fauci denying conservatives, not the mask-wearing anarchists rampaging through the streets and destroying symbols of freedom and democracy. The Civil War had American patriots on both sides, didn’t it?

The bond between Donald Trump and his base has depended on a kind of religious fervor. Facts don’t get in the way of their beliefs. They know his response to the corona virus was perfect. And it’s clear, despite overwhelming attacks of baseless and unjustifiable criticism, he’s restored the record setting and thriving economy and calmed the agitators protesting police brutality, A lesser man would have been chastened, or full of self-doubt. But his supporters counter with enthusiastic, glowing feedback. They swoon at every word and gesture, every bullying remark, every smug expression, every lie, reinforcing his infatuation with himself and his value to the nation.

The Pandemic is Contained

Didn’t he always say he alone could solve the problems?  Well, he’s proven he’s right! He won’t be deflated by a cabal of frustrated elite Republican and Democrat conspiracists. He won’t let science interfere with announcing the pandemic is behind us. He’ll take a drug that might cause heart problems or muscle weakness if he wants to. He’s such a brave leader he won’t wear a mask. With a friend like that in the White House, who needs an enemy?

Promise’s Made and Promises Kept

At the top of the list, he appointed judges who oppose a women’s right to choose and LGBTQ rights—well most of them do. Yes, he did lower taxes—so what if they were mostly for his wealthy friends. Regulations that benefit corporations have been rolled back while measures that keep water safe have been discarded. Of course, there’s also that beautiful, mirage of a wall guarding our entire border, which is on Mexico’s credit card.


And his immigration policies have been nothing less than awesome. They would have been over the top if failing Chief Justice Roberts didn’t side with those out of touch liberals to stop him from killing the DACA Program. Even so, he’s preventing more terrorists from entering the country and lazy intruders from taking jobs away from hard-working white Americans.

Real Americans

Trump knows who a real American is, and he knows how important heritage is to the good folks from the Old Confederacy—many fine people. At least he keeps trying to protect those beautiful statues and flags. No matter that Robert E. Lee and other Confederate generals were traitors to the Union—doesn’t that depend on your perspective?   


Farmers, too, have been the beneficiaries of the President’s deft negotiating skills. He promised new trade deals with China to increase farm exports, but when rebuffed, he assessed large tariffs on U.S. imports from China that are paid by U.S. companies and consumers. But he made up for our farmers’ loss of exports with huge Government subsidies that independent minded farmers always appreciate—according to the gospel of Trump. It’s a brilliant strategy that continues with lower exports, higher tariff induced prices and government subsidies.


As for protests raging across the country, who but Donald Trump could calm the anger, frustration and pain felt in the black community. In case you’re wondering, he is the least racist person ever born. After all, he’s done more for black and brown Americans than any president in history except for Abraham Lincoln, and even that’s not so clear.


Healthcare is another area where Trumpian policies, according to him, have brought much needed reforms and strengthened access to good medical treatment. Removing the individual mandate and allowing for the issuance of minimal insurance policies reduced an unnecessary financial burden foisted on many. What a triumph! Regrettably, the obstructionist Democrats’ attempt to preserve failed Obamacare prevented the President from eliminating it entirely and implementing a new, top-secret healthcare program. In fact, the new healthcare plan would be so inexpensive and so beautiful you would be struck blind if you ever got to see it.  

National Security

Utilizing his well-known negotiating skills and extensive military knowledge greater than any general, he’s made major improvements to our national security. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and gratitude knowing he identified several agreements that were unfair, or written by the Obama administration, which surely is reason enough to distrust them. Of course he had no choice but to pull out quickly or find a way to ease out. Among them are the Iran Nuclear Agreement, the Paris Agreement (on Climate Change), the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty, the Open Skies Treaty, The World Trade Organization and The World Health Organization. But don’t worry. He’s promised to negotiate better agreements to replace them, as soon as he figures out what purpose they serve.

And while withdrawing, he’s also entered new relationships and agreements. Most notably is the Singapore Agreement with North Korea. The “special relationship” he developed with North Korean dictator, Kim Jung Un, enabled him to negotiate this pact making the world safe from nuclear war. So there is nothing to be concerned about when you read that North Korea is testing nuclear weapons. It must be fake news meant to make the President look bad.  

And lets not forget about his close personal relationship with Russia’s Vladimir Putin, China’s Xi Jinping and Turkey’s Recep Tayyip Erdoğan that’s made the world a safer place and the U.S. national security that much stronger. Of course you have to ignore the misleading information that Putin has been paying Taliban fighters to assassinate American soldiers trying to help the Afghans. Surely you can’t believe Putin would risk his special Trump relationship over a few American soldiers’ lives.

The Economy

The long list of accomplishments would make Fred Trump Sr. proud. In addition to his little Donny making the most judicial appointments of any president, his most outstanding achievement has been creating the best economy and stock market of any time in history. As his top economic adviser, Larry Kudlow reported, the economy will come roaring back from the corona virus in the third quarter of this year. Hold your breath and keep wearing your mask.

Trump’s Great Sacrifice

So now it all makes sense—and it’s no wonder that President Trump is so adored by his supporters. And in this terrible time, with the Covid-19 death toll over 130,000, he’s made his greatest sacrifice on behalf of the country. Everyone knows his position on testing: the more testing, the greater the number of cases will be found. It makes sense to him to do less testing, because there will be less cases. He abhors testing, wearing masks and social distancing. But the Secret Service, which is sworn to protect him, even from himself, is forcing him to undergo more stringent procedures to prevent any virus-carrying protester from infecting him as he attends more rallies.

So despite his personal protests against expanded testing and special cleaning of rally sites, he is submitting to them. And when necessary, he will even don a mask. However, since he commented that he looked like the Lone Ranger in his mask, the Secret Service must make sure the mask he wears covers more than his eyes. It is his greatest sacrifice, but he will not give fodder to his critics and the fake media. They will have nothing to complain about, or hold him accountable for, or use as an excuse to stop him from attending his indoor rallies or planning the Republican convention.

Once again, Donald Trump has martyred himself so as not to disappoint his supporters and delegates.

Thus, as we move into the election season, Donald Trump’s bravery and selflessness places the question before us: Are you tired of winning and being so lucky?

I am.

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